by saintdoriangray

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released November 17, 2012



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saintdoriangray Berkeley, California

i wrote about things that aren't mine--tv shows, books, people.

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Track Name: Endure for Kindness?
You're killing me with kindness and i've had a lot of bullshit to endure
But how can I survive this if I've always got my left foot out the door
If I can't sleep in your bed, I'd still rather be sleeping on your floor
You better catch me when I'm drowning 'cause your air is everything I want and more

You're killing me with blindness and my heart is everything that you can't see
But I'd still bow to you, your highness, if it meant that you would never have me leave
I'll stick to my black coffee and I'll serve you up your English Breakfast tea
It's all a bit domestic, but our fights give me the biggest injuries

And it don't matter that I'm
Immune to the bites and scratch marks
Near or Far, Titanic wages war
I'll love you and I'll go wherever you are

So, run like the wind, love

How the hell'd they find us, I thought we'd kept them off our tracks
We left small town America and never thought of ever going back
But you'd never give up family and I would never give up on my pack
So California here we come. Fact is:

I never wanted to leave in the first place
Home is home is wherever you're safe
Which, admittedly, isn't with me

So, run like the wind, love

We all have our battle scars
and tokens of our time on Mars
And everything is better when you're there
We all have our time to bleed
And line to follow, lines to read
It's not like you could teach me how to care about these things but

You're killing me with kindness and i've had a lot of bullshit to endure
But how can I survive this if this if we're guaranteed for for richer or for poor
They say that love is blind, it's also tone deaf and it's B-List Lewton Horror
You better catch me when I'm drowning
You better catch me when I'm drowning
You better catch me when I'm drowning 'cause your air is everything I want and more
Track Name: Spoiled Brat
There's a glowing in my chest
You could take out all the rest of me
And that part would still glow
There's a beating in my heart
As shrapnel inches closer, part
of me wishes you were with me so I

Sit lonely up in my tower
Seven drinks in an hour
It's my best record yet
Drown in sorrows and drink
This is my time to think
On all the things I won't ever get

So lie back and think of America
You're doing me better than I ever would
Come down to my level you make me hysterical
And I'm getting better, I'm learning good
But still, you're all the things I can't have

There's a rocket in my foot
Is that a pocket holding wood
Or do you just hate to see me?
Innuendo on my tongue
The tip, the flat, and we're still young
We have to live now, while we're breathing

Money can't buy everything
But it'll make the angels sing
Hallelujah this one's a jerk
I give it all charities
But I'll still run a blasphemy
Best of the ages at work


Kindness and loyalty
Virtues just ain't for me
Vicesare all I could afford
Patience and chastity
Learning is fucking hard

Track Name: The GISHWHES Song (Misha Collins Ruined My Life)
Misha Collins ruined my life by
Running around and painting the town in
Red is the blush on my cheeks and blood yet to spill
At the end of those six days I was dead

Misha Collins ruined my life by
Trying to make us go out and do weird things
I'm just horrified that I did them
I didn't know how easily he could swing

My head in different directions:
Go look there, go jump off that bridge
If he ever ran for election
I don't know what would happen to the future of my kids

We fought, we built, we cried
At least we didn't die
in our run of GISHWHES
We screamed, we yelled, and we cheered
And all it ended in tears
And it was all cause of GISHWHES

So Fuck you, Misha Collins for the sense of accomplishment

I didn't know I had 50 stuffed animals
Lying around my place
But it was MAD CRAZY, our teammate found a lady
With twelve different snakes

So Misha Collins ruined my life by
Making me miss people I shouldn't know
In Texas, on Long Island,
Florida, and Ontario

You think I'm joking, no seriously he told us
Get dressed go jump off that plane
If he ever ran for election
This country would never be the same

Track Name: Dashboard
I'm scared of the blue screen, the white sheen
That shines on your face
As you stare endlessly, like a zombie
And flicker through pictures and stay still in place

And it feels just like home to stay stock still with the
The weight of these people far away
And it feels just like heaven
A drug made from seven straight
Hours on the dashboard
Scrolling down my dashboard

A world of moving images, In real time still limited
To movies and loops and gifs
Cycle through memes, once in a week
A culture shock begging to rip me apart


And for once in my life I can finally feel
all the things I could feel without guilt or appeal
To my ego, why don't we go
Somewhere outside,
Maybe outside

But It feels just like home to stay stock still
We're above physicality 'cause this
Feels just like heaven
A drug made from seven straight hours
on the Dashboard
Scrolling down my dashboard
Track Name: Give A Shit
How do I tell my kids? You can't do shit
'Cause the color of your skin or your body's too thick
Can I look in the mirror and paint myself white
Photoshop myself 30 pounds lighter
5 inches taller? And ain't a fighter
Not ready enough to go against the grinder
Of real against the ideal, fighting just to heal
and lick the wounds, trying not to peel
The scabs from the old ones, open up the new ones
I'm 500% done with everybody's bigotry

And hate goes both ways, justice for the days past
Leaving the future worse for wear
Elitists on both sides leaving me hanging dry
It don't matter that this shit ain't fair

I'm to light to be a nigga, I'm too dark to sell punk
How the fuck do I sell Asian, I'm shit outta luck
Can't make a buck, suck a fuck
Donnie Darko's sitting duck
'Cause I'll never make Hollywood at this rate
Imma never be a real musician, y'see
'Cause I don't have the look or perfect imagery
To sell my body at $10.60 and hour
'Cause my face be lookin' pretty damn sour
I can't be a delicate flower
That's not the DNA I got lined up,
I'm 4'11, stocky, killer vocal cords
killer lion roars, and I'll fuck you up

I gotta forgive, don't forget, but to live a little
Not caring what you think at all
I gotta be good, find the middle
Ground and live just like I know I should