Fandomtastic 3

by saintdoriangray

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02:56
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03:30
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credits

released January 8, 2013

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saintdoriangray Berkeley, California

i wrote about things that aren't mine--tv shows, books, people.

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Track Name: Stiles Wants the D(erek)
Scott, buddy I need your help 'cause
Jackson's laughing at me and the betas kicked us out
And Scott, buddy, please answer your phone
'Cause Derek's in ultra-creeper mode
And oh God, he's tryna be besties with Dad
And oh God, he's using the front door is he mad?
Oh My God, am I in trouble now?

There's no reason that he's leavin'
Dead animals on my window sill
He ain't Batman, I ain't Gotham
Needing watching all night in Beacon Hills
There's no logic to this project of his
slamming me against my will
Onto a wall, the floor, My baby jeep's door
Unless---Oh God, Scott just call me back. Please.

Those aren't your biceps all up in my grill trying to cuddle me close
Those aren't your rock hard abs against my--whoa buddy slow down
Derek, let me go now
It could be sex pollen or strain of wolfsbane
Derek can you back away, 'cause you is ackin' cray cray
It could be witches or hexbags or
Argents or Alpha packs tryna make you into that

There's no basis for my spaces
Being drenched in eau de Derek Hale
There's no excuse for this loose
canon helping dad run errands at the jail
But there's nothing cuter than him tutoring me
Making sure that I don't fail
Chemistry or English
Oh god I have a fetish
For danger (and for Derek). Shit.

Scott, buddy I need your help 'cause
I'm getting major boners from the things that make him feral
Scott, buddy please answer for your phone
Before I
do something stupid
Like give it up to cupid
But my boner's only human...

I'm not lying or denying
whatever it is he wants from me
He's so hot, I'm so not
so excuse me if it's hard to believe
He wants my pants off, with the chance that I
won't ever make him leave
My floor, my bed
If it all goes unsaid that
Derek's got my pants down
Tight lips sealed in a frown
And maybe I'll shut up now
Track Name: Stay With Me
I could watch you create your own one-sided two person conversation
you try to engage me, but all I could muster is hesitation
I'm sorry if stutters and silences come off as condemnation
I can’t leave you feeling all alone
So tell me should I stay or should I go?

I could love you better on a bigger bed
Damn myself to beg you to take all your meds
And love me high, we’ll fly and leave my love unsaid
Unconscious, all this just to tell you—

I could watch as the heart on your sleeve doubles tempo from medication
I know you'd give anything, begging to feel any mad sensation
Resentment won't get you escape in the wake of induced sedation
I can’t leave this feeling all alone
I think I'd rather stay, than let you go.

I could love you better than the world at large
Damn myself to beg you to keep off the drugs
And love me sober and keep you in my arms
While you’re conscious, all this just to tell you
To stay (with me).
Track Name: Old, New, Borrowed, Blue
Rusted and Worn, Driver's seat torn
patched up and sewn again.
Bang up the door, survive the next war
next two or three or ten.

Through war cries and peace times, I still remain
Through white lies and goodbyes, I'm still the same old

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue
Will be there all your life
For your mother, your boyfriend, your best friend's old wife
Always, for you, little red riding hood

Engine's replaced, you just changed the brakes
I make you go, you make me stop
Go through days, passed in a haze
A maze of the choices we've dropped

Through werewolves and first loves, through stalling in the rain
Through death and new chances, I'm still the same old

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue
For when your life breaks down
But I know your Jeep won't, and that's all that counts
Always, for you, little red riding hood
Track Name: Alpha
All the things I kept from you six years back
Finally caught up to you
Told you not to split up but as I slept
You turned tail and who
Gave you the right to hide your own brother
From demons he'd set loose
Oh, Laura, I know.

I'm the Alpha now: All your problems are on me
Back in my old hometown, my responsibility
But I'll dig up the ground filled with your body and wolfsbane and twine
Oh, sister of mine

It's like looking back into a mirror
Of me six years ago
Y'know you can't keep her, love any deeper
Death reaps what it sows
She's your Juliet, you're her Romeo
we know how that goes
Oh, Scott, yes, I know.

I'm the Alpha now: If you don't use the bite, it'll use you at will
It's our nature to howl, just like it's nature you'll hurt and you'll kill
I can't help that we're bound, bonded in blood and in species and kind
Oh, brother of mine

I'll rip your throat out, I'll claw your lungs out
If you don't shut up
I don't know how to say in words that I
Hope you don't mind my touch
Just don't wake up when I watch over you
I'm starting to care too much
Oh, Stiles, yes, I know

I'm the Alpha now: I need a human and you need a pack
You can cut off my arm but I don't trust you to cover my back
Just don't make a sound, not a word or a moan or a whine
Oh, lover of mine

All the times we'd make out, lover, in the woods and I'd get you undressed
All the times we'd hang out, brother, and I'd save you from that stupid mess
When we ran for each other, sister, I know it's your time to rest
I know that I'm blessed
Track Name: 147 - 4 = 143
I might've been in love with you since the third grade
but it hasn't deterred me yet
You're not in much luck if you think it might have faded
I've got a ten year plan
It involves a lot of running around
Watching you and Jackson make up
And break up and make-up all over again

Chorus
I'll take all the love I can get
147 pounds of sarcasm and wit
can only get me so far
The mileage racks up in my car
And in my heart
I'll take all the love that you scrap
I'll keep it for myself until you want it back
Reimbursed to you ten fold
The interest killed whatever goals
I had scored beforehand

I might've bought flowers for you every day
While you were in the hospital
You've made a huge dent in my pay
And I don't even have a job
But I'm glad to have given those gifts
'Cause you're the bestest gift of all
I just wish you'd remember my name

Chorus

And if a new guy comes my way
And shoves a steering wheel into my face
And I happen to get a chub
And I happen to want to rub
My tongue over his washboard
Abs and biceps and lats and calves
And glutes and triceps and traps
I promise I'll still love you best
It's just that his face is pressed
Into my pants

I take all the love I can get
147 pounds of sarcasm and wit
Is lucky to get this far
Without a broken heart
Or a broken car
I'll take all the love that you scrap
I'll keep it for myself until you want it back
Hope you want it back sometime soon
I've got a date in the afternoon
With a werewolf who could love me.
Track Name: Outrun Your Ghosts - Erica
You wake up and you run through your routine and then come back it's night again
They put you in a jacket and sedate you till you don't know what's right
It's useless to keep trying to get out because you're too tired to fight them
can't roll with these punches, have a hunch that I make friends with the kindest sinners

Chorus
Outrun the ghosts
you love the most
take the out the danger that you drilled into my head
Outrun your friends
Stay to the end
Hold to a stranger seeing people who are dead
Outrun your meds
and Outrun your ghosts

Run away from heart attacks and make your way, escape to the street now
I'll take you far away so you won't have to witness none of the beat down
'Cause the doctors diagnosed the damage dammit but that's the wrong pill count
And we can't outfox the foxes, but we sure as hell can look out and

Chorus

and Outrun your ghosts
Track Name: Outrun Your Ghosts - Derek
You wake up and you run through your routine and then come back it’s night again
They put you in a jacket and sedate you till you don’t know what’s right
It’s useless to keep trying to get out because you’re too tired to fight them
can’t roll with these punches, have a hunch that I make friends with the kindest sinners

Chorus
Outrun the ghosts
you love the most
take the out the danger that you drilled into my head
Outrun your friends
Stay to the end
Hold to a stranger seeing people who are dead
Outrun your meds
and Outrun your ghosts

Run away from heart attacks and make your way, escape to the street now
I’ll take you far away so you won’t have to witness none of the beat down
‘Cause the doctors diagnosed the damage dammit but that’s the wrong pill count
And we can’t outfox the foxes, but we sure as hell can look out and

Chorus

and Outrun your ghosts
Track Name: Would You Love Me?
Would you love me if I were skinny as a stick?
If my cup size was bigger or if I had a dick?
Would you love me if I said I didn't know how?
Would you love me if I were closer to your heart?
If every week night I wasn't falling apart
So would you love me if I said I didn't know how?

I'm sorry I'm a nut job playing at eccentric
Billionaire, playgirl, genius, philanthropist
But crazy works both ways as far as I'm concerned
I think that I could love you, if only I couldn't get burned

Would you love me if I won all my awards
If I learned to play piano, if I memorized these chords
Would you love me if I said I didn't know how?
Would you love me if I absolved you of your sins
If I prayed a Hail Mary hiding my cheshire grin?
Would you love me if I said I didn't know how?

I'm sorry I'm a whack job, all this never happened
I wasn't naked in the woods, my eyes were never blackened
But crazy works both ways if we're both involved
I think that I could love you if we both get our shit resolved

We're both pretty dramatic, bleeding blue
While the rest of the world bleeds red
(I would bleed so blue with you)
But I get so ecstatic, when I hear you're just fine
Yes, you're coping with your problems well and I'm still rehab

Would you love me if I were prettier than you
If I were skinnier than you, if I was wittier than you
If I were better? But the the truth is I don't know how.
Would you love me, could you love me now?

I sound better when I'm starving, cause then I'll sing the blues
You look better with your heartache.
Go on, sit down, kick off your shoes
We'll be nut jobs, whack jobs, crazy together
I'm better crazy with you

Would you love me if I were skinny as a stick
If played on the ukulele a song that you'd picked?
But the truth is, you can't love me
And I can't love you now
Track Name: The Odyssey
If this Apocalypse would avalanche into a kiss, I might return
To the endangerment of temperaments, I'd give a shit and then we'll learn
I was wrong to ever want to leave you alone
I was wrong to ever run away from my home
And you'll always be a stronger beacon than the pull of the moon to my bones

And I adore you
And I need more of you
And oh the things that I'll do to you when I go home

Chorus
We'll wreak hell together
Yeah we'll wreck this hell together
Your life might make mine better
And I can't regret the fire
In your spine and in my heart ache
In my skin and in your heart break
For the loves that we lost along the way

Hale must your heart be and your tempered will
Steady the wind blows, baby, keep still
Keep quiet, keep yourself in the dark for now
I wanna keep you safe, Little Red
I wanna move with you in a bigger bed
That we built with our own four hands in the years we spent bickering

And I adore you
And I need more of you
And oh the shit that we'll get into when I'm finally home

Chorus
For the loves that we lost along
The road so far is making me itch
The need to scratch your back and make you tick
To lick the salt off the wounds that I'd given you years before
And I want so much more

And I adore you
And I need more of you
And oh the shit we'll get up to when I go home

Chorus

And I adore you
And I need more of you
And oh the things I'll do with you when I'm finally home
Track Name: Never Love a Wild Thing
When you fall in love, it feels so good
When you take me up, I know I shouldn't
Dare to let myself get distracted from all
The dangers I should have expected
There is one thing I bet, that I can't forget
But I know that we might regret it

Never love a wild thing 'cause you'll only get hurt
And these third degree burns
Will just earn you a gold star you tried
Never love a wild thing 'cause her dad might be pissed
And the ways that she kissed
Just ain't worth all the hits you're missing

When you think that you could love her the best
You're wrong and obsessed
Do you think that she could take all the stress
With your heart thumping out of your
Chest, and all of the rest of your friends
Are saying this is the worst idea
Rest, and sleep there undressed and
by yourself and pray your damn Ave Marias

Never love a wild thing 'cause you'll get torn apart
Arrows shot through your heart
And the tips are all barbed and
Never love a wild thing 'cause you won't ever heal
All the wounds just won't seal
You'll keep bleeding and feel everything

And all the times you tried to fix it
It got worse
And yes you heard right
You know you're cursed
To love a wild thing

Never love a wild thing 'cause your friends are all dead
Or they're under the threat
Of torture and pain, at least you tried
Never love a wild thing 'cause you'll get your pack killed
All the blood that you spilled
It's your fault, Beacon Hills is dying
Track Name: Trust the Instinct
If you could trust me to hold up your body
You need me and I need you
If you could tell me that you don't want me
I'll leave you if that's the truth

But it shouldn't be this complicated
Get it all out of your system

Chorus
Trust the instinct, trust this feeling
That we're not such a bad idea
Trust the blinking beacons stealing
All my attention problems away
The focus of your bright red flashing eyes is always me
Trust the human trusting the killer werewolf

Didn't you save me from Isaac Lahey
His first and rabid full moon
You trust me with your betas, you trust me to stay up
All night doing research for you

And it really isn't that complicated
So get me all out of your system

Chorus

And if you could trust me to warm up your body
With mine, 'cause I'm yours to have
Track Name: This Might Hurt
They say if you're going through hell, then keep going
But I'm not sure I can hold my breath as I fight to the surface
My head aches, my heart pounds, my brain is exploding
I am drowning and I don't know how

This shit might wreck all the friends that I met and the
Family I've lost and the ones that I've kept
And no wolf in the pack can wash blood from my hands
'Cause they're dead and they're dying and I never wept for the
Weight of the world pushing down on our shoulders
The childhood you lost 'cause you sold all your souls for the
Sake of your wolvlihood, I thought that we'd be good
people but no, they were right when they told us that
This might hurt

They say that a little help goes a long way to
Recovery, but this body count's gone past all ten fingers
My house and my home are in two different places
I am burning and I don't know how to stop this

This shit might murder the lover I had
It's a merciful killing but I'm up to bat
If just one of your fangs made a dent in my mask
Made of iron and willpower, spark and this blue flower
Gift that I'd give in the Garden of Eden
Right next to the shell of the house where your demons
Take care of your sanity, changing like seasons
They're listing and note-taking all of the reasons that
This might hurt
This might hurt us badly
Track Name: Na-Na, Na-Na Goes the Love Song
Settle down in a big house
In my home town, raise a boy scout
With red hair as bright as his mother's
Drive the Porsche with top down
On the right side of the road now
It's opposite day for the rest of my life

She felt like a lover
But lovers mean mating
It felt less like dating to me
I might regret that the
last thing I said is to
Give back your copy of the house key
Nana, Nana goes the love song I sang to you wrong
'Cause nothing in life comes for free
I'd repay you, eventually

Settle down in a big town
Where the noises tend to drown out
The wrecked sobs that never happened
Carry on with your head proud
With your wolf calling out so loud
And nobody cares you were captain

It felt like forever
But forever is over
It feels just like closure to me
I might regret that the
last thing I said is to
Give back your copy of the house key
Nana, Nana goes the love song I sang to you wrong
We'll both disagree
But we'd make up, eventually

Settle down lost underground
Six feet or if I'm found
Alive in the back of your head
Keep me with all the wrong sounds
At least until I am homebound
And I am safe in your bed
Track Name: The Impossibility of Seventeen
I fell in love with a lopsided boy
with a funny name, and no sense of shame
He broke my heart, and tore my veins
Before he knew, I loved his brain
If only I had listened better
If I stayed invisible
If only I had kept it together
If running away was forgivable

It's not your fault
You tried, you tried
It's not your fault
I died, I died
It's not your responsibility
I ran away from the
Only sort of family I had
Sixteen never seemed so bad

I fell in love with the call of the wild
Toothy grin for a smile on the shell of a man
He sunk his teeth, and made me bleed
And took me in, and helped me breathe
If only I had listened better
If I stayed there with my pack
If only I had kept it together
If I hadn't panicked, turned my back

Chorus

As the weight of all the lives I've ruined
Worried faces of the ones I knew
And I'm sorry that I couldn't make it
Happy that you didn't fight me, too
So just kill me, keep me dead forever
Let my body rest on the worm moon
Decomposing, bruised and broken
This is where I'm the best for you
It's where I'm the best of you
I was never the best of you

I fell in love with a lopsided boy
With a funny name, and no sense of shame
He took my hand and helped me stand
On my own feet, and we both ran
Off to a life I hoped was better
Where I lived to seventeen
No regrets, with you just moments:
Start and end and in between
Tell my brother, tell my Alpha
That I loved them both to death
Tell my mother, tell my father
I'm alive, I'm just in debt

Chorus
As the impossibility of seventeen
Track Name: Blow Your House Down
Did I do something wrong?
Did I sell you out?
If I flinch, I promise, it's not your fault.
Can you look my way?
Can you tell me why?
Without throwing glass, is this goodbye?

It's okay to take a day or two to form your words
I know it's your not stronghold,
but we both know this hurts me more than you
And if i break, let me break

Chorus
Let me crawl under covers
And stay here forever
I'll fall out from all of the
Friends I should have never had
Home is where I know
I'm safe but the wind blows down
All the bullet rounds
I should have pressed to my chest
God only knows, dad loved me best

I hear your voice in the evening calling
What do you wrong this time?
You'll only get him madder
Shut up and close your eyes
It's not real, you don't feel anything
So get back to your bed
and pretend you can't think of the
Love that he leaves upon your skin
It tastes wine: bitter or better;
the difference between seven and nine
is a break in my bones
it's my age back when
Everything was perfectly fine.

It's okay to take a week or two to calm your nerves
I know it's not an option
but we both know this hurts me more than you
if I crash, let me crash

Chorus

It's the space where I learned to tremble
It's not so bad in here;
It's just a tiny fit like
Coffins engraved with years
I was good, it's a blank empty space
If I fake freezer burn, I might learn
not to hate the voice in the evening calling

Did I do something wrong?
Did I sell you out?
Does way I look remind you
It's not your fault?
Can you look me way?
Can you tell me why?
Without throwing glass,
Breaking last of our goodbyes?

It's okay to take a month or two, if I deserve it
I know it doesn't matter,
but we both know this hurts me more than you
If I scream, let me scream

Let me crawl under covers
And stay here forever
I'll fall out from all of the
Friends I should have never had
If he keeps me waiting
I'm done with you saving
me from all of the love and your
hero complex failing me 'cause
Home is where I know
I'm safe but the wind blows down
All the bullet rounds
I should have pressed to my chest
God only knows, you love me best
Track Name: Twice As Nice
They call me up 'cause I'm a real sick Alpha
I'm in your head and you can bet I'm underneath your skin
It feels so good to be here; I want to be inside you right now

I never

Said I that I resembled such a golden apple
I'm pretty rotten to the core, if you cut me in half
I split in two, and I knew I'd split and I'd split you again

And I was

Set as an example of a perfect actor
Confident though I'm on the fence
If hating my own skin means that hating you after
At least we'll both know you let me win
I'm feeling like you're threatening to rip me up inside

They call me up 'cause they know I make trouble
We're double mint, double fresh we'll tumble
In and out of your bed

You beat me up because you know I like it
You like it too but I won't ask or beg of you to stop

And I was

Pushing you for strength like you were pushing me faster
Picking up the pieces you dropped
Pushing me for love when you were baiting my anger
Making up for all that we lost
I'm feeling like you're threatening to swallow me alive

They call us twins, but I call us addicted
It's like a drug, it feels like bugs are crawling in my bones
I don't remember what it's like to be alone

Pathetic

Desperation's better than my isolation
I'd rather piss you off than miss you
With me at my hips and lips
Are screaming kisses
Goodbye, haters, goodbye

Playing house on fire never was my forte
I didn't mean to let you get burned
I'm sorry that I never told that you played me like board games
Falling over and you got hurt
I'm feeling like you're threatening to keep me.
Track Name: Your Worst Kept Secret
My love, you know I
won't judge all your lies
If you would come clean right now
I know you love me
But you don't trust me
Will you risk me finding out?

About the
Way you're makin' whoopee with your brother
Every Tuesday night, that's right I
Saw you texting one after the other, but it's alright
I'm a little down for whatever as long as you treat me right
If I can't have you without him too
I'll deal with it, if all I get is
A little flustered. Hey, there buster

My darling sunshine
There is no line
You haven't crossed with me today
I know your secret
Your deepest regret
Will be keeping this shit at bay

Cause' babe the
Way you do the do-wop with your brother
Every Sunday night, the gracious Lord ain't pleased
Score! Cause that's another point for our lives
Bucket this list, we're the next great scandal
I'm Bonnie and you're Clyde
If he's your better half
Then I'm your perfect (w)hole.
So stick it in, and scream YOU WIN
My boyfriend scored a goal

Baby, there are so many
Worse things in the world
The patriarchy, W. Bush
And all the crazy girls
Who want on your deezy
It's not that they're sleazy
It's just that you're (th)uper gay
But I still love you anyway

My darling, prince if
You would insist/incest
I would stick with you to the end
I won't make fun of your conventional love
It's complicated, you're frustrated
And I'm still yours
Not even fucking your brother would change my love for you.